Attachment
Two monks were once travelling
together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around a bend, they
met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
"Come on, girl," said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her
over the mud.
The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging
temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself.
"We monks don't go near females," he said. "It is dangerous. Why did you do
that?"
"I left the girl there, the first monk said. "Are you still carrying her?"
(Zen story)
Attraction
Attraction occurs when something or somebody catches your
attention and you feel inexplicably drawn closer.
This is a perfectly natural, healthy way to be and is not a problem in
itself.
Aversion is the opposite of attraction.
Neither attraction nor aversion allow us to see something as it is; our
emotions and thoughts create a bias.
Affection
Affection is when you develop feelings for the object of your
attraction; you have an emotional
attachment.
You
care.
If this is a person, that is healthy - caring about their wellbeing is a good thing.
The only negative would be if your care was contingent upon utility; if you
care only because the person serves a purpose, do really care at all?
Do you not care more for the function than the individual?
Is your emotional investment given in the hope of reciprocity?
If you care about an object, this can be good - looking after belongings
will increase their longevity.
The worth of the object lies in its utility.
Be careful not to bond emotionally, because unlike a person, an object is an
inanimate thing.
Imbue
Be wary of projecting your feelings.
It can be common for people to ascribe
characteristics
to another person that do not really exist.
The other person comes to represent a mirror for your own possibilities, a
vessel for your dreams and ideas.
Is any of it
real, or do
you
just see what you want to see?
If this sounds far-fetched, then consider lotteries... people buy a ticket
in the hope of winning more money.
The ticket is no longer a ticket, it is the hope of a better life.
Yet, the ticket is still a ticket, and the additional meaning has been added
by you.
You should be cautious not to treat people in the same way.
More...
Page created 5 February 2001