Talking
If
one's words are no better than silence, one should keep silent.
(Kung fu)
Talk is cheap
Taoism and zen have always treated talk with scepticism, since words
cannot extend to reality.
The word is not the thing.
We live in a culture that embraces meaningless chatter.
How many stories do you read that actually convey a message, a moral, a lesson?
When was the last time you had a considered, honest conversation with somebody
you know?
In our culture of mobile phones, e-mail and blogging... talk really is cheap.
Conversation
Conversation is a skill.
It serves to convey thoughts, feelings, ideas, emotions. It can educate, seduce,
entertain or amuse.
Words are ambiguous and deceptive, playful and interesting.
We are free to explore nuance and meaning.
Given the opportunity for wit and humour, it seems sad to squander it on
mindless chatter.
Concentration
The problem with talk is that it becomes the focus. You
concentrate.
You exclude other concerns. The talk becomes everything.
It is akin to having a TV in the room.
Stuart Wilde
Stuart Wilde has written a number of books that explore taoist issues in
innovate ways.
One of his topics is 'silence'.
http://www.stuartwilde.com
Underneath
When engaging in
dialogue with others, try to remain underneath them psychologically, rather than
talking across them or even down to them from above. Talking above people is
trying to make them feel inferior, pushing yourself onto them, or attempting to
force your ideas upon them. It's dominating the conversation with endless tales
of your experiences - hogging the stage.
(Stuart Wilde)
Competition
Most
people talk out of ego, talk to hear themselves. They are not usually interested
in what you have to say. While you talk, they are waiting to respond with
something bigger and better. So you mention taking a vacation, and they mention
every vacation they've ever been on. Those people are dreary, because they are
insecure, and they have to win you over by trying to impress you.
Most of what people say doesn't impress you, does it? Mostly it bores you. If
the story of their vacation is particularly interesting
or amusing, or there's something to learn from it, okay. But generally speaking,
when they're telling you about their vacation, they're only pleasing themselves
by trying to combat with you. You're going on a vacation, but they've been on
bigger, better, more expensive ones.
So, be careful with your dialogue, and try not to compete with people. If they
talk about their trip to France, and you lived in France for 20 years, don't
mention it. Just listen to them.
(Stuart Wilde)
Impressive
Most
people invent things, exaggerate, or they don't know what they are talking
about. They rarely have a command of what's being discussed, or they'll parrot
something they've read in the paper, or they'll take something they
saw on TV and regurgitate it for your benefit.
Stay inside what you know. If you're an expert on something, fine. You can talk
about it if people ask. But generally speaking, don't bother trying to impress
people.
(Stuart Wilde)
Abusive
Many
people, feeling their disquiet with life, like to hurt other emotionally; or
they are vindictive, or judgemental
and critical. They shout their abuses and try to depreciate people with verbal
violence.
(Stuart Wilde)
Page created 20 August 2007